Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I have had a couple of good dreams lately. The day before yesterday, I dreamed I had a good job where I wore clean and pressed kacky pants and nice shirt. It was a technical type position that apparently paid well. In my dream I jump for joy physically that I had a job that I enjoyed, and gave me a since of fulfillment. My other dream this morning before work was that I was spending time with my estranged spouse and she was kind to me and things were good. It was still an odd dream, but a good dream that was healing in a way. My best friend Toni is moving away and I am kind of at a loss. I have sort of resigned myself to doing what I am now doing forever and just the acceptance of the whole deal seems to give me an surrendered calm. It is like I just got tired of trying to make things different. My life is like riding my bike. I can ride my bike slow or fast and I don't have to be a speed demon or to suffer above my level. Just time on the bike is making me better. Trying to eat like a vegetarian has been difficult since I have never been a cook, or a good eater. So I am learning a lot. Silent meditation is kind of where I am at right now. I have had way too much trauma and I'm tired.

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